A slick London lawyer went duck hunting in deepest Fife, where the Kings
of Scotland hunted in days of old. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell
into a farmer's field on the other side of a
fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on
his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The lawyer responded,"I shot
a duck and it fell in your field, and now I'm going in to your field to
retrieve it."

The old farmer replied. "This is ma property, and yer no comin' ower here."
The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial lawyers in
the UK and if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take
everything you own." The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you
don't know how we do things in the Kingdom. We settle small disagreements
like this with the Fife Three Kick Rule." The lawyer asked, "What
is the Fife Three Kick Rule?"

The Farmer replied. "Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me
three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up." The
lawyer quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he
could easily take the old sod. He agreed to abide by the local custom.
The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the
city lawyer. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the
lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick nearly ripped
the man's nose off his face. The barrister was flat on his belly when the
farmer's third kick to a kidney nearly caused him to give up.

The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet
and said, "Okay, you old sod now it's my turn."

The old farmer smiled and said, "Naw, I gie up. Ye can hae the duck."